Hello Parental Types.....

I saw this and thought others would enjoy it! Pass it on if you think it is funny!

Could you handle being a parent.  Here is how to test yourself :)
 Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

Wanna track Santa w/your kids this year?

            

All the preparations for this year are in place! Come back each day to receive updates from the North Pole and to discover new surprises in the Kids' Countdown Village.
Santa’s elves have been busier than usual this year preparing. Visit Santa’s Village to see what’s been going on, and join in on the fun!
NORAD teamed up with a local school district to bring more holiday cheer. Learn more.

Please help us fight human trafficking of all kinds.....

Demand that governments protect and uphold the basic rights of all children.

Dear Readers of my blog this is a very heart wrenching subject for me to discuss but if you could all take a moment out of your day to read and sign this I would greatly appreciate it.

The numbers around child slavery and exploitation are simply staggering, and there aren't enough people fighting back.

More than 150 million children younger than 14 years-old are child laborers -- one in six children in the world. Those children do hazardous work in mines or on farms, often handling chemicals and pesticides or working near dangerous machinery. Others toil as domestic servants in homes or workshops.

Another 300,000 children under 18 are child soldiers used as combatants, messengers, porters, cooks, or sexual servants in some 30 conflicts worldwide. They are most often forcibly recruited or abducted, or feel so helpless and overwhelmed by poverty they are driven to join the fight.

Girls are particularly vulnerable. Some as young as 13 are trafficked as "mail-order brides." Nearly 90% of domestic workers trafficked in West and Central Africa are girls.

It's an epidemic that isn't getting enough attention from governments worldwide -- and Change.org members can help change that.

Click here to take a stand now against child slavery and exploitation and demand that governments protect and uphold the basic rights of all children.

Once you add your name, will you forward this email to friends and family? We can fight this, but only if people know how bad the situation really is.

Thank you for helping and taking action!

P.S. You can learn a lot more about what Change.org members are doing to fight human trafficking of all kinds at http://humantrafficking.change.org.

What was your favorite book as a child?

The Giving Tree - By Shel Silverstein♥ & I still own that book & The Light in the Attic, both have my name in crayon & his name in PEN considering I ran into him in Philly couple years back & was able to have him autograph them for me & bought some other books of course, lol! Funny this was asked because I was JUST reading these two books to my youngest Jacob. *Giggles* This is like the 5th Ironic thing that happened to me today/tonight♥

Ask me anything BUT if its ignorant fuck off

So what was your favorite reading book as a child?? *To: The Reader. ☻

ACLU Important ANNOUNMENT!!! & IT GETS BETTER PROJECT!

A Parent’s Nightmare A Parent’s Nightmare Read more about Elizabeth and Alex's ordeal on our website. Today Isabella is a happy and healthy six-month-old living with her parents. New parents Elizabeth Mort and Alex Rodriguez thought the most difficult thing facing them when they arrived home from the hospital with their newborn daughter Isabella would be the sleepless nights. Instead, they were faced with the unthinkable – having their three-day-old daughter taken from them for five days by Lawrence County Children and Youth services because of Elizabeth’s false positive drug test performed by the hospital where Isabella was born. Elizabeth, who was eventually cleared of illegal drug use, had eaten an “everything” bagel with poppy seeds two hours before being admitted to the hospital, causing the inaccurate test result. “When Isabella was gone, our family was just at a loss of words,” said Elizabeth. “I couldn't stop crying. Alex just didn't even know how to be himself. It felt like our heart was ripped in pieces. The most important person was missing, and we didn't know when we would see her again.” The ACLU of Pennsylvania filed a lawsuit yesterday, October 28th, to stop this from happening to other new mothers in Lawrence County. Find out more about Elizabeth and Alex’s case on our website. American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania www.aclupa.org

Help us continue to defend the Bill of Rights — become a member of the ACLU today! Follow us on Twitter and visit our Facebook page. Also, check out the ACLU of Pennsylvania blog Speaking Freely.

"Seriously they want me to wear purple because five queers killed themselves. The only way im wearin it for them is if they all commit suicide." These were the words posted on Facebook by Clint McCance, a school board member in the Midland School District in Independence Country, Arkansas late last week. Quickly upon learning of McCance's actions, we called on our project's nearly 100,000 Facebook supporters to petition him to resign immediately.  And just one day later, live on CNN, Mr. McCance bowed to the pressure. Check out the segment here, then share your thoughts with us: Our project is about more than a collection of heartfelt videos, it's about creating awareness and calling out the Clint McCance's of the world and shining a light on their bigotry and hate.   It's about making our schools and communities a safer place by inspiring students, teachers, parents and community members from all walks of life to come together to advocate for change all across the country.  And it's about holding people like Clint McCance -- people who are making things worse -- accountable. It has been just over a month since our project began and we're seeing an impact, not just in Arkansas, but also in New Jersey where just last week lawmakers introduced an "anti-bullying bill of rights."  You've helped create an international issue out of something that was tragically ignored for far too long. http://www.ItGetsBetterProject.com/YourMovement Stay tuned in the days ahead for more videos and many more opportunities to act in your area. Thank you for reading!